The Other Side of Dream

 

Harry Whittaker had hurt so much for so long, but the pain was gone now. He stood up easily. No one helped him, and he needed no crutches or walker.  He stood firmly, and strongly, on his own feet. He moved his arms carefully at first, extending them and gently rolling his shoulders, at any moment expecting his joints to painfully resist. Then he began to swing them, and still there was no pain. His shoulders rotated smoothly, with no roughness or grating. He gently lifted one leg, then the other. They came up easily. He went down into a deep side lunge, going deeper than he had since he was in his twenties. There was a little pain, but it was just the feeling of going into a deep stretch without warming up properly. His arms and legs were no longer flabby and atrophied; they were solid and well-muscled again. His gut and chest were no longer drooping and wrinkled, they were firm and taut.

He looked around himself. Harry was in a small grassy clearing of a forest. He breathed deep the damp earthy scent that had a bit of spice he could not quite place. Lances of golden sunlight pierced the tree tops arcing over him, and glittering insects flashed between them. It was so familiar, but also strange. He heard the soothing sounds of running water along with the calls of birds, frogs, crickets, and cicadas.

He walked towards the sound of water. With each step he felt the rich loamy earth and soft undergrowth beneath his toes. After a few dozen paces he came to a depression in the earth that a stream flowed through one side of, but on this bank it was a nearly still pool. He looked down into the water, and among the colorful fish flitting below the surface, he was surprised by his own reflection. It wouldn’t be right to say he looked young, but it wouldn’t be right to say he looked old either. He didn’t look middle aged. Any given age you tried to put his face would seem off, sometimes in both directions at once. The surprise wasn’t from not recognizing his face. It seemed all through his life this was the face he should have seen and the other face, ever changing as he grew up and then old, which he was used to seeing, was just showing a distortion of this true face.

“This has to be a dream,” Harry mused aloud, “Even in my dreams I’ve felt my pains and aches for so long; if it's a dream I‘m not sure I ever want to wake up again. I could be happy just staying here, I think.”

“This is a dream, yes,” a breathy woman’s voice replied behind him, “but it is not your dream, and thus you do not appear just as you see yourself, but as you truly are. The pain you carried with you into your own dreams before was a remnant of how you perceive yourself and your life. You cannot just stay here, however, as you have a journey to go on.”

“Who are you?” Harry asked, turning to see the speaker. She was a beautiful woman, about half a head shorter than himself. Her hair was midnight black and her skin was paper white. She wasn’t just pale.  Her skin was utterly white. There was no hint of blush, tan, veins, or even a freckle. Her face also defied any attempt to place an age to her. She was not young, nor was she old. She just was.

“I’m your guide. I make sure you can find your destination.”

“So I’m dreaming you?”

“No. We are both in the land of dreams, but this is not your dream. Nor is this my dream. This is not any one person’s dream. You are not dreaming me any more than I am dreaming you. Actually, unlike when you are in a dreamscape that is your own, you are not even dreaming yourself, thus why you are showing your true body instead of your interpretation of your factual body.” The woman in front of him ran her fingers through her hair to pull it out of her eyes, and then the woman was a cat cleaning her fur.

“Wait a second; you were a human just a moment ago, now you’re a cat! Or at least I thought you were, wait a minute, you still are. Why did I think I saw a cat?”

“I am neither a human nor a cat and I am both and more. I am who and what I am, just as you are who and what you are. I did not change, only the perspective of how you saw me changed. In the waking world, it is facts you see most easily, and you must look through them to find truth.  In the world of dream, truth is plain to see, and you must look through it to find fact.” As he stopped trying to decide if she was a woman or a cat and just relaxed he was not sure if he saw a woman, a cat, some hybrid cat woman, or the hints of other things he felt opening up behind the other images. It was too much to take in at once.  He held the image of her as he first saw her firmly in his mind and that was all he saw.

“You seem to learn quickly both to see what is and to control what you see,” she laughed. “It helps at first to see only part of what something or someone is. It is almost impossible to see anyone in their full truth at once, but as you grow more accustomed to seeing, it will be less disorienting to view more of the truth of what you see. As you learn, it is good to choose to see a partial image so that it is easier to process, but forgetting that what you are seeing is only part of the truth is dangerous. So, see only one or two aspects of someone or something if you must, but try to glimpse the other aspects when you can. When you first looked at the place where we are sitting, what did you first see?”

“The pool of course!” Harry replied, but as he turned to gesture he was not sitting on the ground by a pool with little colorful fish in a forest. He was sitting in a chair in an empty hallway of a courthouse by a shiny metal water fountain where he could see his reflection. The fish were now red, blue, yellow, and pink wads of chewing gum that had been left in the fountain. He and the woman who was his guide were wearing black business suits. Until that moment, he had not realized that neither of them had been wearing anything a moment before.

“There are many different aspects to the truth of this place as well. It can take on many appearances to you. There are some facts you will glean from observing its many truths. One is that it is not an unpleasant place. It is reasonably comfortable, relatively safe, and has what you need for now. Another is that this is a good place to gather yourself for the next step. One more fact shown by the truths of this place is that it is a good place to meet someone. Lastly, it is not far from danger, and it will likely become unpleasant if you stay too long. It is a good place to rest, meet me, ask questions, and then move on from toward your destination.”

“What is my destination and why do I have to go there?"

“You already know both of those answers.  The inability to see them just means you are not yet ready to accept them.  Luckily, since you have a guide, you do not need to know the destination or reason.  You just have to go.” She smiled her catlike grin. Looking again, she was a cat grinning in an almost human manner. Looking in the same way at his surroundings; it was a forest, a courthouse, a pool, a water fountain, and a city park at sunset. It was more places. Some were easier to see than others. Some he liked seeing less than others. Many of the ones he liked the least were the ones that showed him most clearly he would need to leave soon and the path he should follow.

“If you don’t have any more questions that cannot be asked while we travel,” she gently suggested, “it would be best if we left. You can stay a little while longer, but the more quickly we get on our way the better it will be for you.”

“Well, I suppose since it is a dream I will wake up eventually, and I guess I would like to see where I was going before that happens.” He nodded his head as he decided, “Let’s go.”

As they walked he chose to primarily keep the aspect of the truth of his surroundings that was a forest in his mind. He liked it best. He couldn’t see his path as clearly as with many of the others, and maybe that was part of its charm. All of the aspects grew darker as they went. The forest literally grew darker and there were occasional thorns on the trees he passed and on the ground he walked over. In the courthouse they had moved into the courtroom and the prosecution was presenting its case against him.  He had left the park and was now walking through a bad neighborhood in a large city.

In every facet of his journey he could see his guide helped and supported him through the challenges.  She gave him a machete and helped him hack through the jungle they were traversing, helped argue in his defense regarding every crime he was accused of, helped him search for an ostrich feather large enough it would outweigh his heart, together they poured through an ancient tome to find his name, and she used a pole to push their boat to the far side of the river.

There were times when it was hard or frightening. They were chased by a pack of dogs, delved caves into the darkest depths of the earth, scaled a mountain that stretched to the stars, climbed a tree that held the entire world in which he had lived in just one of its branches, and he wasn’t even sure whether they were climbing up or down. They flew past stars, then out of time and space.

Through it all his guide stayed with him. She encouraged him when he could do it on his own, made sure he had what help he needed when he fell a little short, and helped him back up when he fell. Whenever he doubted he could continue, she was there with a smile and he had the strength to go a bit further.  After a few hours, perhaps days, perhaps years, perhaps eons, perhaps seconds; they were finally there.

“Do you know where you are now?” She asked carefully. For some this was the hardest part of the journey and could take the longest. She had grown to know him well in their travels, and did not wish him pain.

“I think I do,” he responded softly, different truths of what he was seeing flashing through his mind's eye. He had learned much on this journey, not the least of which was how much he had yet to learn. Seeing himself in his true form that was an eagle, he preened his feathers thoughtfully before continuing, once again seeing the truth of himself as a human. “I have passed from the waking world into the land of dream. I have now passed through the land of dream and stand at the gateway to the land on the other side of dream. We began where the waking world borders on the world of dream; we are now where the world of dream borders on the world of the dead.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. She had grown to know how well he could see and how insightful he could be about the facts and the truths he saw represented, but even those with the keenest sight and minds could not see what they were not willing to believe. “I know this next question may sound silly after the answer you just gave, but I must make certain that you understand fully. Why did you have to come here?”

“I died.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I lived a good life.”

“What does that mean, to live a good life?”

“I don’t really know, but I think I did it.”  He chuckled dryly, and then looked worried, “If I go there, will I be able to come back here?  It wasn’t always pleasant, but I liked it. I liked being with you.”

“Not everyone who goes through ever comes back here, but many do. I don’t know if those who don’t can’t or have reasons for not coming. Just as seeing dream for what it is has allowed you to open your eyes and grow if you let yourself, seeing death for what it is may allow you to open your eyes even further and grow even more if you allow it. Those who come back can only tell us about what they saw as much as you could tell someone in the waking world about what you have seen here. You could get across basic ideas, but it would be incomplete and surreal. The world of dreams; however, links all existences I know of. Perhaps there are worlds on the other side of death. Perhaps there are worlds on the other side of any of the other worlds dream runs to. I don’t know.”

Then Harry asked hesitantly, “Will I be able to see you again?”

Darkness and Light

    Darkness is not evil.  Darkness is only what we cannot see.  Some of what is in darkness is just there.  Some of those who dwell in darkness are there because they do not wish to be seen.  There can be many reasons to want to hide.  Some of those who dwell in darkness are there because they cannot leave.  Others stay because they will not leave those who cannot leave at the mercy of those who hunt in the dark.

    It is dangerous in the dark.  Even when there is nothing that wishes you harm, you may not see dangers to avoid them, or those who are dangerous may not see you to avoid you.  Many predators can see well or otherwise find their way in the dark.  They might take easy prey.

    It is easy in the darkness to decide you must be either predator or prey.  Even in the dark though, there is good and evil in all of us.  The prey may grow powerful and become predators.  Power does not make one a predator, though.  The greatest power is needed to protect.  Keen sight is needed to see through the darkness.  Fortitude is needed to bear the injuries meant for the weak.  Greater strength is needed to restrain than to attack, because there is good in all, even the predators.  Patience and will are needed to protect without oppressing.

    Light is not good.  Light just means something is illuminated to be seen.  Just because it walks in the light does not mean it is not evil or dangerous, it just means it is either better at hiding its unsavoryness, or powerful enough not to need to hide.  Light can lead to complacency, and too much light can blind.  Evil and dangerous things can want the security of seeing around themselves just as much as the good and the weak.

    It is dangerous in the light.  It is easy to believe what you cannot see cannot be there.  It is easy to lose fear and respect for the monsters when you see them in the light.  Just because you see something does not make it not dangerous.  Just because you see much does not mean you see all.

    Also, it is easy to forget that no matter how well lit it is where you stand, darkness is never far away.

(Reposted from a prior blog, where it was written by the same author under a different name, and posted on 3/18/2012)

Generational Armageddon: Teenagers are the End of the World

    In the news, in the break-room, wherever adults gather to trade information; sooner or later the subject of the young ones coming into adulthood will come up.  It will come up, and it is the end of the world as we know it.  They have no respect, they don't know how good they have it, they don't understand what they are doing, and they are destroying their lives before they've even begun.

    In cafeterias, coffee shops, fast food places, and wherever else the young have claimed as theirs for the moment to sit and discuss the world; sooner or later the subject of what a sorry state it is in will come up.  The need for change of how the world is run will be discussed; the end of the world as we know it so that a new world can be born.

    In some symbolic traditions Death has a very interesting meaning.  That symbolic meaning is change that requires one thing to end for another to begin.  In these symbolic systems, Death is one of the few symbols that can always be seen as positive.  In these symbolic systems, this type of change is also the one that is met with the most fear and anxiety.

    In the Christian Bible, there is one book that is hardest to interpret, fascinating for many, but most frightening in it's imagery to most.  This is the book of Revelation.  It is filled with destruction, death, and change.  It also has the triumphant return of Christ in all of his glory and the promised Kingdom of God on earth.

    Every generation looks at the way that the next generation is changing everything they have built and can see the world as they know it ending.  Every generation looks at a world they are born into, and envisions a new world they can build.  Every generation sees the symbols of Revelation and interprets them in their times to see that the world is ending.  Maybe one generation some day, the youth will truly end the world for good.  Maybe some day the symbols of Revelation will play out for the final time and there will be no further improvement for the next generation.

     For now, every generation tears down some of what has been built before and builds up something new.  We work to tear out the darkness in the world and build the City of God on earth.  Sometimes we come closer than others.  Every generation has change though, every generation tries with greater or lesser success to learn from those before them, every generation has taxes, and every generation dies.  Every generation has their Revelation, and for them the world ends as they know it so that they may enter the Kingdom of God.

(Re-posted from a prior blog written by this author under another name. Originally posted on 5/1/2012)

A Passion for Continuous Improvement as a Whole Person

One of the pursuits that I am most passionate about is continuous improvement as a whole person. I have always had a passion for learning and helping teach others, but I remember when I finally had the epiphany that leveling up wasn’t just for characters in games, and that there was no good reason why I could not constantly improve on every axis. I find hope and inspiration in looking at my flaws, weaknesses, and even my strengths, then comparing all of those to a vision of my ideal self. From this comparison, I can plot a character progression by which I, in real life, seek to constantly draw closer to becoming my ideal self.

I do not just study one subject, I bounce between subjects so that, as one begins to feel like work, I bounce to another that is fun and new, and will come back to the prior subject once it is invigorating again. I have found that the more diverse my studies are, the better context I have for any individual subject. Studying history helps with understanding philosophy, which both help with understanding sociology, which helps with studying belief systems, which in turn helps me understand the reasons events happened in history and the beliefs that shaped philosophies. Understanding the physics of metallurgy and the chemistry of leather tanning informs the study of tactics of warfare in ancient civilizations, as it relates to supplying armies and a thousand other factors. I have found that almost every subject leans upon others, and that my understanding of them all increases with educating myself on any of them.

I don’t just train my mind, but my body as well. I’m in my mid-thirties; I am healthier, stronger, and in less pain than I was in my mid-twenties. Through studying advances in diet, exercise science, and physical therapy methods, not only am I able to improve my strength and heart rate, but every other area as well. In my twenties, my body and joints were in constant pain. Now, my body only hurts when it is sore, or when something is wrong. My joints have improved to a point of almost having no problems, and they have improved this way at the time of life when my joints are supposed to have started rolling down an inevitable path to failure. There is no good reason not to, at least, walk every day. With an inexpensive gym membership, I have access to low-impact cardio equipment and resistance machines to build up the strength and injury resistance of every part of my body.

Trying to stay the same, and never change, is a battle that can’t be won. If you fight just to not lose ground, sooner or later, you will have to take a step backwards. Then, sooner or later, you will fall back again. Trying to maintain youth or just keep your existing skills and knowledge sharp is a battle that you will lose.

The secret is to not seek to remain who you have been, and always seek to become some form of better than you were with every action and every day. If you are always marching forward, then a lack of progress, or even a step backwards, is not a major loss, because you can regain the ground lost and even take steps forward tomorrow. If you just stay good at what you are already skilled at, what will you do if that skill is no longer needed, or requires other skills to stay relevant?

To continuously seek improvement means to embrace change, especially change within yourself. If you truly are improving, then tomorrow you will not be the person you were yesterday. Improving yourself cannot happen if you only expose yourself to tasks and ideas that are comfortable with. If you are comfortable, then you are not growing. If you truly want to grow, you cannot just expose yourself to harder versions of tasks you have already mastered or higher levels of ideas you already are strong in. Growing as a whole person requires giving as much effort, and preferably more, to tasks and subjects that you find hard. The areas where you are weak are where you can improve the most.

Continuous self-improvement also means questioning and exploring your beliefs. Read, listen to, and talk to people who you disagree with. There is no better way to better understand what you believe than to honestly explore perspectives that wholeheartedly are opposed to your beliefs. Sometimes, you may even discover that some part of what you believed, or thought you believed, is wrong. This doesn’t mean that you have to throw the whole system of belief out, but it does mean you may have to look through your beliefs and find how this revelation applies across the whole system. You may even decide that core aspects of your worldview have to change, and if that conclusion is honestly arrived at, that is a good thing. It is far better to have to change how you relate to the world earlier than later. There are few things worse than, far too late, realizing you have been wrong your whole life, and the only thing that can be done about it anymore is to regret all you have ever done. Then again, it is perfectly likely that your beliefs will survive mostly or fully intact. If so then you will have gained greater understanding of what you believe, and why. Either way, challenge your beliefs often and vigorously, so that you may stand strong in your ideals, or change them before you have lived life in a way you cannot undo.

Continuously improving as a whole person also means questioning who you are and who you want to be. Caring for a growing plant does not just involve guiding the branches, feeding, and watering it. Sometimes, it involves cutting toxic or maladaptive parts off. Growth may be an additive process, but improvement can also be subtractive. Addictive, toxic, or otherwise maladaptive traits may be part of who you are now, and who you have always been. That does not mean, in any way, that those traits need to be a part of who you are tomorrow, nor do they have to be part of your ideal self. Growing hurts, but trying to change some aspect of self that is already there, especially the closer it is to the core of your sense of self, can be agony. It is terrifying to have an image of who you are and try to make real changes to be more like you want to be, because you can never have a fully reliable picture of who you will be without it. Trying to cut off the parts of you that are holding you back is frightening. It is painful. There is no fear or pain that I have ever faced that was more worthwhile than shearing off the parts of myself that made who I was my own greatest enemy. Finding peace within your own skin is an experience that is priceless.

Disasters happen, be they natural, purposeful, or just life events. Your home may be destroyed. Any of your family and friends may be taken away. There is no object you possess that cannot be lost to you. You will always be with yourself, every second, minute, hour, day, month, and year of your life. Even if you want to, you can never escape from yourself. There is no better investment in your time and effort that will improve your life than making sure that you are someone that you enjoy being around and can rely on in any situation. As a wonderful side effect, others may even rely on and enjoy being around you too.